I know that many of you have noticed that we are getting yarn dyed and back up on the website... it always takes a while after the sale and after a show (Stitches West) but we haven't been talking about other things particularly.
The winter, even though it was not a hard one weather-wise, has been challenging for me after Ron's death in November. Ron had been not well for a while. I always knew it was likely that he would go before me since he was older than me and had more health problems, but I never really thought about after he was gone and how I would navigate this part of my life.
It took me awhile to do most of the paperwork. Something inside of me said, well if you don't change the name on the bank account then he's still with me and it's not final. And so it went with every kind of documentation and legal stuff. It's not all done, but I am walking through it one step at a time.
Going out on the road to Stitches West was difficult. I could lie and say it was great to be back in the saddle, but the truth is, I was not ready for it. I was still very sad. I hated to leave my dogs at home, to be away from the home Ron and I had made together. It may not make logical sense, but the emotions were still very raw.
Today (Saturday) was going along good until I was talking to the butcher at the grocery store about wanting some cuts they didn't have, and tearing up because I need smaller cuts, and smaller amounts. I don't really need roasts anymore. The smallest thing can bring the changes in my life right to the surface.
I am grateful for the change in the seasons, the time, and the length of daylight each day. I also love that I am sitting here writing this with the door open letting fresh air in.
What has changed in the last few weeks is that my color brain seems to have turned back on. I am now envisioning new colors, new color combinations, and ways to make things fun and interesting for our customers. I know that this loss and my grieving process will be close to the surface for a good long while, but I am grateful to have made a leap back toward breathing regularly again. (And things are blooming again!)
I think I am ready to start blogging more regularly again about the studio and what is going on. Thank you everyone for your prayers and thoughts. I do greatly appreciate your warmth and support.
68 comments
So sorry for your loss. I saw you at Stitches West and thought that you weren’t quite yourself. You bring so much happiness to so many with your fabulous ‘color brain’ and for that I am extremely grateful
Go at your own pace ;o) I am thrilled you are going to still dye and provide us with this awesome fiber. I remember you posting when he passed. As I said then, I don’t know what I’d do if my husband passed. My prayers and thoughts are with you as you go thru this journey.
Miss Babs you are truly in my thoughts and prayers. I can’t imagine the loss of my spouse but know at sometime we must all go. I am for one happy that your color brain has turned back on. You are my fav and the girls in my knitting group always say what are you knitting from Babs. They know it’s your yarn which is about all I buy. You are very talented and I wish you continued peace and comfort through the days to come.
I am so sorry for your loss! The death of your beloved spouse is a very challenging event in our lives. It’s been 8.5 years since that day for me…I want you to know that it does get better. It takes a lot of time, but you will eventually feel better. Be gentle with yourself and don’t be afraid to reach out for support – email me or do a Google search on widow support- there are online groups out there! Be gentle with yourself.
It will be this way for a while, but it will get better. I remember breaking down in the middle of Walmart after my father passed, when I walked by the Father’s Day cards and realized I no longer had a father to send a card to. The hole is still there, by it’s not a chasm any more. My thoughts are with you during this difficult journey.